WWE – or WWF as it was once known – has always been known as the land of the giants. Vince McMahon’s apparent obsession with big sweaty men has been the butt of many an inside joke in the dirt sheets for decades, and despite the companies shift towards smaller, more athletic talents like Daniel Bryan and AJ Styles, they are still reliant on the mighty beast of old with guys such as Brock Lesner and Braun Strowman dominating the landscape.
But let’s be honest. This is the world of professional wrestling. We mere mortals don’t necessarily want to see some skinny dude that we know we could probably take in a fight ourselves winning the World Heavyweight Championship – we want to see monsters kicking arse and squashing everybody.
With all of this in mind, we decided to take a look back at some of our favourite Super-Heavyweight Tag Teams in the history of WWE. The only requirements are that the combined weight of the team is at least 500 lbs, with each individual wrestler weighing as close to 300 lbs as possible – so sorry, no Yokozuna and Owen Hart allowed.
COMBINED WEIGHT 573 LBS
Let’s be honest, The Godwinns wouldn’t usually make any list of the best tag teams of all time but they’re definitely one of our favourite super-heavyweight tandems if for no other reason than as heels they were a truly terrifying sight to behold.
Imagine breaking down in Arkansas and these two turning up to give you a lift to the nearest town. Things could get really Deliverance very quickly!
THE TWIN TOWERS
COMBINED WEIGHT 780 LBS
Pairing up Big Boss Man and the so-called “African Dream” Akeem was an odd choice, but the Twin Towers were an effective heel tandem in the 1980s and a constant thorn in the sides of Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage. Seeing these two mammoth-sized men squash teams like The Rockers was never dull.
COMBINED WEIGHT 852 LBS
The Colossal Connection should really rank higher, but sadly they existed at a time when Andre the Giant was in his career decline, meaning they sure looked awesome but it was largely down to Haku to carry the business end of the team. That being said they were scary as Hell and despite having only a limited run as a team, are totally unforgettable.
COMBINED WEIGHT 843 LBS
Earthquake and Typhoon were a perfect match when they were finally paired up together in the early 1990s. ‘Quake had been a perennial main event villain, battling the likes of Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior, while Typhoon was running around dressed as a sailor in his babyface gimmick of Tugboat but neither was ever going to break through the fabled glass ceiling and win the biggest prize in all of wrestling – the World Wrestling Federation championship. Making them a team, sticking them in some of the ugliest ring gear known to man, and then giving them Jimmy Hart as a mouthpiece made them one of the most hated teams in all of the WWF.
THE BROTHERS OF DESTRUCTION
COMBINED WEIGHT 622 LBS
No one ever thought that The Undertaker needed to be part of a tag team, at least until his fictional brother Kane came along and the two ran roughshod over the WWE, beating everyone in their path. This was during Undertaker’s ‘American Badass’ run, but even that didn’t take away from the sight of two near 7-foot tall monsters striding down to the ring.
THE WILD SAMOANS
COMBINED WEIGHT 645 LBS
The Wild Samoan gimmick was one of the very best of the 1970s and 80s, especially in the era of kayfabe where the business of wrestling was heavily protected as being “real”. Living their gimmicks on and off camera, Afa and Sika were as wild and crazy as their team name suggested and created a legacy in the sport of professional wrestling that endures even today.
COMBINED WEIGHT 583 LBS
Here comes the Ax. Here comes the Smasher. They’re Demolition, walking disaster! Out of all the teams listed here, Demolition was by far the most entertaining of all. In their original incarnation which included BDSM ring gear and face paint, they were the most dominant team in the entire WWF/E, holding onto the Tag Team Championships for 478 days before finally losing them to Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard – a record that lasted right up until The New Day snapped it with a record-setting reign of 483 days.
Which pair of super-heavyweights was your favourite big man team in the WWF/E? What are your favourite memories including the teams named above? Let us know in the comments section below, or over at our Twitter and Facebook.