Hello Neighbor: H & S
Switch version tested
Review code provided
If you played the original game, which is actually the sequel, then you will know that this sequel, actually the prequel, is a load of old shit. As I assume the first one was. Hello Neighbor: Hide and Seek (spelt incorrectly) is a follow-up, prequel, whatever the hell you want to call it – look it doesn’t really matter, the game is bad, we know that. The back story, front story, whatever, it’s not relevant.
You play as a kid and you hide from your brother, at least that’s what you do at the beginning. The problem with this game is that it is so broken I gave up after 10 minutes, 5 of which were spent reloading the game as I thought my JoyCon wasn’t working properly, alas it was actually a bug in the game, I say bug I mean lazy inept programming. So anyway you hide and stuff, then you’re in a bizarre kids dream world, but still hiding. I give up.
The controls are shit, and I mean like a steaming pile of shit cake.
Shit Cake: noun – when on holiday with a group of friends, you save up all your turds for the period of your stay, then on your last day, in the hotel or apartment where you are staying, you and all your friends take a shit one after the other (ensuring not to flush in between shitters) thus ensuring that the toilet bowl is filled with an almighty massive congealed turd.
As I mentioned I actually thought my controller had not synced. Your character races about like an ADHD kid on a mixture of coke (the drug, not the refreshing beverage), amphetamines and Red Bull (the beverage, not a scarlet coloured bovine). To open a door you have to stand in the exact right space and press the right trigger, otherwise you look through the keyhole, which also uses the right trigger. And I’m not really sure why, as most of the JoyCon buttons are not used. Graphically it’s passable, but the sound of that fucking kid, counting to 10 in some Sims like language grates on you after exactly 10 seconds, and it took me 5 minutes to open a door to get away from him.
I had the good fortune to not play the original, sequel, first one of these, and for that I am thankful. May I propose that in this season of goodwill to all men, you do as I have done, and pass on the good word that this game should garner no attention from anyone ever and also, that we pray that no child is unfortunate enough to receive this game upon the morning of Christmas day.
Merry Christmas to you all. I rate this game fuck all out of 10.
Beard Score: 0/10
Nintendo Switch Essentials:
Genre: Adventure, Puzzle
Publisher: tinyBuild Games
Format: Steam, iOS, PlayStation 4, Xbox One, Nintendo Switch
Download link: eShop