Some video games, it seems, were more fart than fright, shamelessly crawling back into the grave before anyone noticed how terrible they really were. It is those stinkers that we’re here to unearth today, maggots and all. So join us as we look back at 5 Horror Video Games That Were More Trick Than Treat– cue lightning and scary laughter.
FRIDAY THE 13TH THE GAME (GUN MEDIA)
We’ve already covered many of the problems fans faced when they handed over £30 to Microsoft in exchange for a copy of the hotly anticipated Friday the 13th game, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t remind everyone how bad the whole experience was one more time.
Visually, Friday the 13th The Game was flawless. It incorporated so many of our favourite incarnations of the Jason character, as well as some of the movie franchises greatest victims. Locations were painstakingly recreated to give that authentic Camp Crystal Lake feel, and Kane Hodder was even drafted in for the mocap stuff. It was gameplay and server issues that dragged the whole thing down in the end though. Players couldn’t join in, and when they did it was either glitchy or the XP didn’t tally. Some games took over half an hour to connect, by which point the other players in the party had completed most of the tasks and were hauling ass out of dodge.
In fairness to them, Gun Media have done everything they can to make things better for all of us, but sadly it’s a case of too little too late, and they have no one to blame but themselves.
If you’ve ever played Hello Neighbor then you’d be forgiven for thinking Granny was an acceptable follow-up to play on your mobile device. After all, it sounds eerily familiar to Dynamic Pixels hit game, except here you’re trying to escape from Granny’s presumably piss-smelling house. Well, we can tell you that is not the case.
Granny is a poorly made horror app that relies heavily on jump scares that fall short every time. The graphics are so shoddy you’ll feel like you’re experiencing the game through the eyes of someone in serious need of some glasses, and as such, the blood splatter and actual horror moments are completely lost in the mess.
There are probably a million reasons to avoid spending too much time in Granny’s pad, but the main one has to be that she might make you play this.
THE LETTER (TREEFALL STUDIOS)
Imagine how bad a game has to be for it to go viral. People actually bought this via the eShop just to experience what can only be described as one of the worst video games ever made.
You only need to look at the reviews to see what people thought of it. Here’s one of the best:
Don’t buy this. Don’t show this to friends as a joke. Don’t even say its name out loud. This is the game that shall not be named. This needs to die an unloved death on the Nintendo eShop purchased by absolutely no one. (Via Metacritic)
If you ever bothered to play The Letter, then you’ll know it’s about some guy who receives a cryptic letter from his dad and then goes on the worlds most boring mission to uncover the truth behind the message. To be fair, it’s about as exciting as it would be doing the same thing in real life, except real-life is scarier and has better graphics.
THE TYPING OF THE DEAD (SEGA)
So you’ve played The House of the Dead 2 right? Cast your mind back to everything you remember about it – the crazy looking zombies, the creepy flying thing that talks about “G” a lot, the light guns. Well, imagine all of that but instead of a gun, your only weapon is your f***ing keyboard!
That’s right. The Typing Dead IS The House of the Dead 2 but you have to type in commands to kill anything instead of hitting the fire trigger. Oh, and if you forget to hit enter then you’ll just die anyway. We’re not shitting you here guys. This game legit exists and SEGA signed off on it.
FRIDAY THE 13TH (DOMARK SOFTWARE)
No, it’s not a typing error. Friday the 13th is on this list twice, just for very different reasons. You see, as frustrating as the Friday the 13th The Game is, the 1985 effort was a million times worse.
Completely ignoring everything that made the movies cool, the 1985 game had Jason appear in a groovy purple jumpsuit and gifted him the mutant ability to transform himself into any of the fools stupid enough to visit Camp Crystal Lake. At one point he even appears to transform himself into Johnny Lawrence from Karate Kid and holds an intimate karate seminar that no one bothers to visit. It sounds bonkers, and it sounds like we’re taking the piss, but we’re really not.
Which horror games were you really looking forward to but ended up feeling really let down by the finished product? Let us know in the comments section below.