If you read my review of the colossal arse of a game, Tiny Hands Adventure, and you love to read reviews about catastrophic steaming turds in our video game world, then please do continue to peruse this article.
Hitler didn’t do it alone, he had the help of some friends; Heinrich Himmler, Hermann Göring, Joseph Goebbels, Martin Boorman and Albert Speer, sure there were other friends, but these guys really helped out the evilest fucker history has witnessed do some pretty bad shit.
Developer “Sometimes You” appear to be a small team of six, planning equally bad shit. Now don’t get me wrong, these guys aren’t on the level of Hitler, they’re not about to commit genocide or invade a country, yet Hitler and Sometimes You have both done something which surely only they are proud of. The rest of the world looks on thinking, what have you done, are you crazy.
I digress, Sky Time is shit, it looks shit, sounds shit, plays shit it’s just simply fucking arse. They have the cheek to compare it to Superhot. This is like comparing a high-class escort to a 60 year old crack whore, with more STDs than teeth. Yes, you can slow down time but that’s the only comparison.
The intro plays out as six static images, which a blind man with Parkinson’s appears to have drawn, and a twenty-second narrative in a thick European accent by what I assume was by the lead programmer, we are treated to a very bland 3D world with a slight nod to the Mirrors Edge aesthetic. It’s right about now the evil kicks in, the story is as follows, whilst popping off to grab some hot chocolate for your family, they get caught in an avalanche. So why then, when the game starts am I on top of a fucking skyscraper? The batshit continues, I have a magical watch, which slows down time around me and I have a wrench as a weapon. The wrench, of course, is not a regular wrench, no no no, this wrench has the properties of a boomerang.
Here I am then jumping across rooftops slowing down time and throwing my wrench at laser-guided gun turrets. Oh, wait no I’m not, I’ve turned the game off because it’s crap. It’s worse than Tiny Hands Adventure. And one more thing, why in the blue hell can’t I play this in handheld mode? There appears to be no reason for this. If some poor sucker pays for this game then a crime has been committed. Shame on you “Sometimes You”
At least we got the autobahn from the Nazis.
Beard Score: 0/10
Genre: Action, Shooter, Platformer
Publisher: Sometimes You
Format: Steam, Nintendo Switch