If you have ever been fortunate enough to visit a church fete, you may well have experienced the physical version of Spiral Splatter.
This is a game which is essentially the digital version of one of those infuriating wire buzzer games which you find at a fete, on an old school desk surrounded by baskets of vegetables, cans of tinned fruit and a copy of the Beano annual 1988, which you can win, should you complete the game without setting off the buzzer.
Sadly this game isn’t going to set you back 10 new pence. For £3.99 you can purchase this 100 level game of dexterity and hand-eye coordination on the Switch. Now whilst you may garner 10 – 15 minutes of play time out of this, before you switch it off, never to be played again. Your short-lived time will that of complete frustration, that’s not to say the controls are bad, no. If you die by making your little ball touch the sides, resulting in instant death, you know it was your fault. Yes, the Switch control sticks are way too short to enable such precise movement, but death is always your own doing.
The biggest problem with this simplistic game is that after you repeatedly try to conquer a level and finally succeed and get those three stars, you start to think why am I doing this and what am I getting from it. The answer is I’m not sure and absolutely nothing. Later in the game, there are some puzzle elements but by that stage you’ll have probably have turned it off and deleted it. Save £3.50 and buy a newspaper if you want something to do whilst taking a dump.
Beard Score: 3/10